A Nation Cries Out
As a lone wolf howling sweet songs of freedom in the night, Stephen Colbert is the voice of truth in America. If America were a 2nd grade craft project, Stephen Colbert would be the delicious paste that holds the red, white and blue painted macaroni of freedom to the America shaped piece of construction paper. As a nation in crisis we need a figure to rise from the ashes, dust himself off and say " America, come unto me, for I shall lick thy wounds and heal thy sorrow." Stephen Colbert can lick our metaphorical wounds. But how?
A Call to Action
For many, redirecting the mighty ship America into calmer waters is as easy as watching the Colbert Report during one of the roughly 85 times a day it airs on Comedy Central. However, an increasing number of patriots are seeking an outlet for their Amero-centric passions. Waving flags on street corners, wondering what Jesus would do, and writing rambling letters to the editor about how things are different than they used to be are all great outlets for one's hyper patriotism. On the other hand, who's got the time to do all of that stuff? There's got to be a better way.
Well, there is. We here at Colbertocrat.com know that the only thing better than taking action yourself is having someone take action on your behalf. It's called democracy, people. We want to compel Stephen Colbert to run for president. If Stephen can touch the hearts and minds of America as
effectively
as he does via basic cable, imagine what he could do with the seemingly unlimited powers afford him as President.
Do Your Part
Go to our online petition and ask Stephen Colbert to run for president. Like teaching a child to swim, we must give Stephen a collective push into the political swimming pool. Once in the yellow waters of the American political system, Colbertocrat.com is confident Stephen will breast stroke his way to victory, dragging the USA behind him Jack Lalanne style.
Tell your fellow Americans that you see a bright future on the horizon. Tell them that our country didn't peak during the jazzercise era. Tell them "I'm a Colbertocrat!"
